hi,

well, first answer-

the RESET pin HAS to be kept high while programming! check out the datasheet. this is not a problem. if the RESET pin is held low, the microcontroller will start executing the program.

apart from the procedure followed to program the microcontroller, you should ensure that the EA/VPP pin is fed a voltage between 12.5V to 13.5V. this is very essential for programming the flash. check that out first.

second answer-
one of the best ways to findout if the microcontroller is "ticking" is to check the ALE pulse.

regards,
kodi